Day 7 of the Love Dare

Day 7  Love believes in the best

[Love] believes all things, hopes all
things.
—1 Corinthians 13:7

Dare: For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper.
On the first one, spend a few minutes
writing out positive things about your
spouse. Then do the same with negative
things on the second sheet. Place both
sheets in a secret place for another day.
There is a different purpose and plan for
each. At some point during the
remainder of the day, pick a positive
attribute from the first list and thank
your spouse for having this characteristic.

It wasn't hard for me to tell Nephi I'm thankful for how hard he works. That is one of his greatest qualities. I was able to slip that into our conversation today, and he followed it with an "um ok, thanks" lol  before this dare I must really have been a wench, he has a hard time figuring out why I'm trying to be so nice lol. He also doesn't except compliments very well.. I'm anxious to see what I'm going to be doing with these list of pos. and neg. things. I will say I had an easier time writing down the neg. which I think is to be expected since I'm doing the Love Dare to make a luke warm relationship better. I however really looked over the list of positive and I really married my dream guy. He is so great and I have failed to see alot of those everyday qualities some women would kill to have in a husband.

Day 6 of the Love Dare

Day 6 Love is not irritable

He who is slow to anger is better than
the mighty, and he who rules his spirit,
than he who captures a city.
—Proverbs 16:32

Dare: Choose today to react to tough
circumstances in your marriage in loving
ways instead of with irritation. Begin by
making a list below of areas where you
need to add margin to your schedule.
Then list any wrong motivations that you
need to release from your life.

This is a hard one for me, I am not patient whatsoever and I am quick to snap. Its not a great quality.  I over react when I think I deserve to go somewhere or do something and he doesn't agree right away. Like for some reason I should be able to do what I want because after being a mom and wife all day I just need a break. However instead of expressing that to him, I throw a minor fit and act as if he "owes" it to me or something.
I would say the top of my list would  be I might need to lay off on the things maybe Nephi isn't the best at doing. Like nagging about everyday things I ask him to do (trash,etc.)  Ask him with a sincere heart for something only once and not nag if he doesn't follow through.  At the top of my list for wrong motivations would be overreacting to hurt rather than to solve. Sometimes I get so caught up in why I'm not happy and what he isn't doing for me that I sort of want to punish him so he hurts as well. I don't like to see him enjoy life or be happy if I'm not. After I just typed that I'm totally taken back that I admitted it out loud. Man I'm a real wack job. I need to let that go from my life. I feel like the steps I am taking in this book so far are helping me however. I found myself today almost being sucked into the same fight we have on almost a weekly basis about my best friend and I and what we do with out horses. Nephi is insecure with my friendship, his first wife put everything and everyone before him and sometimes other relationships bring out that insecurity in him. I have never and would never put anyone before him but its hard for him to see that. Anyway normally he gets all fired up and goes off about things and today I just took a deep breath, thought about how hurtful things get if I go along with it and chose not to say anything. I asked him if we could please not do this and changed the subject, and like magic he cooled off. AMAZING. And after all this time of me blaming him I realise I throw fuel on most of his fires. I need to stop that, I need to be slow to anger and show more love. He is crying out for it

Day 5 of the Love Dare

Day 5  Love is not rude.

 He who blesses his friend with a loud
voice early in the morning, it will be
reckoned a curse to him.
—Proverbs 27:14

Dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three things
that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you. You
must do so without attacking them or
justifying your behavior. This is from
their perspective only

I'm not going to lie, I was very nervous about this dare. I felt it was a way to invite Satan into this wonderful thing we have going and make us fight. However the total opposite happened. I asked Nephi about three things, he looked at me with a face of surprise and tried not to laugh. He said he needed a bit to think about it. So I asked him again later, his response was swearing. But that he couldn't think of anything else, which is crazy. I know one of those things would have been previous to this dare, that he didn't like the way I spoke to him like a child. However because this is REALLY working he wasn't able to focus on neg. things. Now back to the swearing thing. Nephi didn't grow up with it in his life or home. He has never had a problem and in almost 6 years of marriage I have NEVER heard him swear. That is something I am truly jealous of. I however didn't grow up a member and grew up with it in my house, so its become a really stupid habit. I'm not admitting that I swear alot, because I don't. I go to stupid petty swear words when I'm mad or frustrated, seriously nothing "bad" (so don't defriend me) lol. Nephi just doesn't have ANY tolerance for it whatsoever. So its something I need to work on. I don't like making him uncomfortable and I will admit I have used it as a tool in fighting with him to get his attention. If I don't think he is listening without fail I will swear at him and like clock work he comes back with "did you really have to say that" and then I say, just seeing if you are listening. Is that childish or what?? I cant believe what I'm learning about my self in this process, reading the dares really don't seem like much work but its the little things that are making the big things work. Yay me...

Day 4 of the Love Dare

Day 4 Love is thoughtful

How precious also are Your thoughts to
me. . . .How vast is the sum of them! If I
should count them, they would
outnumber the sand.
—Psalm 139:17–1

Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she is doing
and if there is anything you could do for
them

I had to skip a day (Sun.) so that I could do this Dare while he wasn't home. Kinda hard to call and check on them when they are home for the weekend ;) Anyway, I just got off the phone with him. I asked him if he needed anything and if there was anything I could do to help make his day good, he seemed confused and just said "um no". It warms my heart to have him be shocked when I am offering myself to him in ways that he needs. He seems happy but almost confused. What this process has been teaching me is how extremely selfish I have been. No wonder all of my prayers about my marriage and what I could do to help came back to this Love Dare. I need to change me. I need to think about my spouse and what his needs are. It has also made me ponder the way I have talked to and treated Nephi since we got married. I speak to him like he is a child. Its not something I am proud of admitting out loud. I think its been my cooping mechanism from my first marriage. But it doesn't make it right. This not saying Neg. things has really opened my eyes, I have stopped and thought about the things I would normally do or say if I weren't doing this dare and I am ashamed of myself. Nephi is my best friend, my husband, the father of my kids. Why would I speak to him the way I have??? No wonder he doesn't want to kiss my forehead, Heck I'm surprised he hasn't wanted to smack it. I'm not having a pity party for myself but rather reflecting on what this marriage and Nephi really mean to me. I'm really thankful I am sticking this thing out..

Day 3 of the Love Dare

Day 3 Love is not selfish


Be devoted to one another in brotherly
love; give preference to one another in
honor.
—Romans 12:1

Dare:  Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments, buy
your spouse something that says, “I was
thinking of you today.”

Today was a really great day. We went this morning and I took our family pics. We then came home and took naps, and went to see the Lorax. My loving hubby then went to the priesthood session, when he came home his allergies were going crazy. So even though it was 8:30p.m. I went to Lins and bought him some med. and a pack of Hubba Bubba gum (his favorite). The greatest thing he said was, "why are you offering to go to the store for me so late? Are you planning something else?"  Usually I look for little things to run out of the house for so I can take a break from the kids and dont come back for a while. Tonight was different and it felt way good to come straight home and give him my gifts to show him I care. I'm very taken back at how well I am doing with not being Neg. Im so grateful to my Father in Heaven for helping me do this. It really is paying off, things are starting to feel different. And I likey :)

Day 2 of the Love Dare

Day 2 Love is Kind
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. —Ephesians 4:3
 Dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
This wasnt that hard for me, I love doing nice things for Nephi. I decided to make chicken fried chicken for him for dinner. He loved it! That might not sound like an act of kindness to most, but if you know Nephi you know he LOVES food. And surprisingly enough not saying anything neg. to him today was easier than yesterday. Yes, he was at work most of the day so we will see what tomorrow brings when we are together for a whole day lol. I'm excited about this journey actually, my prayers seemed stronger yesterday and today. I feel this is going to work. I hope I can keep these moral up for the rest of this dare.

The Love Dare

So its not a secret how hard marriage can be. Its daily work for the both of you and sometimes it can be down right hard. I feel like my hubby and I have fallen into a place of comfort, where neither of us try anymore. We just live life day in and day out almost like room mates. Don't get me wrong, he is an amazing person, and father. He helps around the house, he provides for us and is an amazing priesthood holder. I couldn't ask for more in those areas. However something happened to us... I miss being kissed on my forehead, I miss holding hands. I miss hugging for long periods of time just because I cant let him go. I miss being told I'm beautiful(without me asking). I know this might sound a little crazy because I know naturally those things dwindle when you stop dating, or do they? Do kids really make that big of a difference, or are we choosing to let them so we don't have to "try" so hard anymore? I'm not sure, but I know that my marriage is WORTH saving, its worth savoring as well. I am sealed to this person and want to make the best of our life together. I have been known to be the one pointing the finger, like if he would just kiss me or hug me I'd be fine. But why does it have to be him? Why cant I make the effort? Maybe he is waiting for me to take the first step. I have no idea that's why I'm starting the Love Dare. Started today actually. I first tried this a couple of years ago when the movie Fireproof came out. If you haven't seen that movie its a must see for married couples. I have since "tried" the Dare on Nephi and failed miserably on it. I cant even get past day one, which is pathetic. Day one says to go 24 hours without saying one neg. thing to your spouse. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I cant do that, am I really that mean? (dont ask Nephi that question) Anyway you are supposed to journal about your experience and not just go on with the next dare until you complete them one at a time. Whats really a kick between my eyes is every time I pray about my marriage and ask my father in heaven what I can do to make things right, my answer always comes back to the Love Dare. SO this is the reason for this post. I am choosing to hold myself accountable to this journey by blogging about it. Even if I don't get one comment or one person to read them, I am holding my feet to the fire writing about it. Because my marriage is worth fighting for, my husband is worth doing the dare for. In the end the only person I can "fix" is me. Oh and a little tid bit, the person you are doing the Dare on shouldn't know you are doing it. Which works great for me that Nephi NEVER reads my blog. I'm hoping that this journey takes me to a whole other level of love and commitment. I hope to fall in love all over again with my main man. I have lost one marriage before and I refuse to loose another. Want to join me in this journey?

Which brings me to day one.


Day 1. Love is Patient

The first part of this dare is fairly simple.
Although love is communicated in a
number of ways, our words often reflect
the condition of our heart. For the next
day, resolve to demonstrate patience and
to say nothing negative to your spouse at
all. If the temptation arises, choose not to
say anything. It’s better to hold your
tongue than to say something you’ll
regret
You are supposed to journal about how this went, how you felt and things you could work on.

With this dare I will admit I struggled today. I got my feelings hurt that Nephi wanted to go to a movie all by himself (hunger games, I didn't want to see it). I really wanted and felt like we needed to spend some time together. However I held back my feelings and practised my "patience" and let him go. I know that if I can be slow to anger and be more patient I can get through to him in ways I never knew. I can already see that not putting up a fight to get my way is going to be helpful.

A pathetic run down of the last three months

In Aug. we went camping with Nephi's family in Maple grove. It was a great time and we didn't leave much dirt behind because it came home on my boys and in my car.






Kanon got to join the big boy club by giving himself a black eye. Daddy got him soapy in the tub and he slipped head first into the side. OUCH


Which the eye looked great for his second birthday pictures

TWO???? I cant believe my BABY turned two. I have no idea where time has gone but its slipping by me so fast. This little bean loves trains, cars and bugging the tar out of his brother. He is still a button pushing, toilet flushing, door slamming little fetcher most days but we love him to pieces..




Last but not least I attempted family pictures yet again this year. They turned out OK for being me that took them. It gets hard running back and forth to the tripod. I got way sweaty and my hair went flat. Oh well I love the colors and love the people in them.




This eternal family of mine continues to bless my life in ways I never knew possible. My cup overfloweth on a daily basis..

This crazy Ride called LIFE

I must be bored because I just spent the last hour going through and reading alot of my old blog posts and comments. Talk about a crazy ride these past few years have been. I honestly cant believe people even read the crap I write about. LOL...
Life is such a crazy journey, every ones ride is different but as we look around it feels like we are the only ones feeling the things we do. It feels as if our ride is more bumpy, while others look care free. Its easy to look around and see the good things in every one else while we sulk in the cow paties we lay in. I am guilty of doing just this, Life has kicked me right between the eyes over and over. Or has it?? I feel like Im not looking at life with my eyes but only feeling it in my heart. I choose not to see the blessings, I choose not to see my struggles as a way of growing. It seems so much easier to be neg. and compare myself and hardships. However that is trully the opposite of true. It takes way more energy to put off neg. vibes, its draining.
This last month I unfortunatly had to attend one of my dear friends mothers funeral. The day I got a text from his sweet wife that his mother had passed I remember my blood felt cold. Like honestly someone poured ice water through my vains and it hurt my heart. I felt completly out of control, there was nothing I could do to take away that pain and it killed me. His mom had struggled through the last few years of her life. She felt alot of pain physically and emotionally, it was all she could do to get out of bed most days. In the end the pain became to much and she chose to leave this life. She left behind a loving husband, four children and their families. The amount of pain she was in I cannot comprehend, its too much to wrap my mind around. But in the last few weeks I have been able to reflect on alot of things. First of all you NEVER know whats going on in someone elses life. No matter how well you think you know people, you dont know all the details. You have no idea the struggles they have or the shoes they have walked in. It really gave me compassion for people I dont think I had before. In the weeks since her passing I have talked with my friend alot, tried to comfort him in any way I could. However its not something you get over very quickly, it takes time...
Time is good and bad. It gives us the oppurtunity to reflect, to think, to love, to hate to do whatever we choose. I know that after going to that funeral and trying to be there and watch all of the broken pieces in the family try to heal, I see that judging, assuming, and hate are all things that I dont want to be apart of. Life is so precious and you never know what can happen. Its not worth holding onto grudges, or hurt feelings. The day of the funeral I remember my friend in his talk saying "if any of you have harsh feelings toward someone, make it right. Dont wait until its too late." It was like he was talking right to me, I wasnt talking to my lil sister at the time over something way dumb. I relized that life is too short to let little things rob you of relastionships. I hope to try and be a better person, to hold my tounge and try not to watch others on the ride. My ride is different, even though the master of it is the same he knows what I can and cant handle. So I guess what Im trying to say is GET IN SHUT UP AND ENJOY THE RIDE! Look for the good in others, even if you have to look at them for a good while there is always something. Focus on the good in your own life as well and remember HE never said it would be easy, he said it would be WORTH it!

A little side note

I was going back through my blog trying to find a picture of my yard when we first moved in two years ago. We wanted to see how far it has come, anywho... I noticed that I USED to get alot of comments on here, and lately I get hardly any. I guess I've become pretty lame... sad news for me. I mean who doesn't want to see comments on the things they post? What a looser LOL
However these two think Im cool, thats all that matters.

Funktified

So I have been in a funk for awhile. I haven't had anything nice to say and so like my mother taught me I said nothing at all. However I know that by living in my crap Ill always have a stink outlook so I have been dragging myself out of it and thought Id blog alittle today.
Nothing too exciting to blog about, I have been doing alot of training with my horse and am very happy about where Ive gotten her. She loves my kids and I love watching them with her. Sometimes I think she loves them more than me. They have been begging me for some time to come and ride so I took them this last week. We had so much fun...
Maverick could live on her back for hours. I cant wait for this summer to take him with me on some trail rides. I bought this little buddy saddle that hooks onto the back of my saddle last year and have yet to really use it. It has a back rest, a hand hold and his own set of stirrups. Pretty awsome little thing. I had to have my horse at a place that I could drop bombs next to her before I started letting Maverick ride in it.
I cant even put into words what having this horse has done for me. She is my Prozac. She helps me see the good things in life, she is my therapy. I know that as women, mothers, and wives life gets so hard at times. For me I needed something to keep me going, to fill my cup at the end of the day after Id given to everyone else. For some people that cup gets filled with scrap booking, reading, shopping, running, whatever it may be I feel its so important that you find what your "therapy" is. I was medicated for post pardum after having Kanon, and I would do it again in a second, it helped me through some tough times. However I never felt better than I did when I got off of it and starting receiving the same if not better benefit in my horse. Life is hard enough as it is, I think we all need a good pick me up from time to time.
So being funktified is not a fun place to be but I'm pulling myself out and hope to blog a little more

Happy Birthday my first born son

I cant believe 4 years have gone by, you have completely changed my life. You made me a mom, something I gave up on in my life. The day you came into this world was truly unbelievable. Again, thank you for choosing me to be your mommy. Love you to the moon and back


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