Saturday, October 23, 2010

Letter to myself

Dear Shawna,
Although some days you feel like giving up, you must remember your divine purpose in this world. Know that your father in heaven is proud of you and your choices. Understand that no matter what your body FOREVER changed when you gave birth to your beautiful babies. Look at your self and see that every stretch mark, every sagging part of your body was an intricate part in bringing those babies to this world. Look at your self and find beauty inside and out. Its there you just have to look for it. It doesn't matter how much you weigh, what color your hair is, what size your jeans you swore you would never get to, and they way your breast hang. You are important! You are here for this time and have been trusted with two perfect children who need you to find that happiness. They need you to love your self as your father in heaven loves you. Dig deep inside and find the reserve of strength that has been there waiting for you through all of these trials you are facing. Remember the way you felt the day you married Nephi. Look into his eyes and see that flame that still burns for you. Accept that things will never be the way they were when you were dating, they cant be otherwise you wouldn't get anything done because you'd spend the day wrapped up in each other. But find that balance to keep that drive there. Know that the covenants you made in the temple for yourself and Nephi are sacred and eternal. Hold tight to those covenants in this dark place where you feel alone. Families can be together forever this you know to be true. Don't dwell on the things of the past or the feelings of hurt you may have. Let go and let God, remember how that is your favorite saying. Hold true to that. See life as happy and full, live it to its fullest. You will look back on this life and see that you were a great mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. Feel those things of yourself NOW and live in the moment. The trials you now face are only but a small part of heavenly father's eternal plan for you. And for heavens sakes stop wallowing in your crap and move forward.
Love Shawna
sorry if any of you actually read this all the way through. It really is for me to remember and look back to as I continue to struggle day by day with life's challenges. Saying it all public feels very freeing to me.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Oh how fast they grow....

I honestly don't know where this last year went, but in fact it indeed has come and gone and I now have a ONE year old. He is the cutest little bug and has the funniest personality. He really knows how to hold his own with big brother and is very vocal about what he does and doesn't want. He loves to blow bubbles and clap his hands. His words are Mama, Dada, Whats that, and a high pitch squeal that I know if I could interpret it would be a major swear word. ok ok he really wouldn't swear but he loves to tell you off.
After having Maverick's first birthday at Chuckie Cheese I learned that having a party that big for a one year old was a little overwhelming. So we down sized abit and had a little friends and family lunch at Doc's pizza buffet in Provo
The Birthday Boy

His little cake that was a waste because he didn't touch it, he doesn't like getting dirty. (having an OCD mom will do that to a kid)

He wasn't sure what to think about all the singing

At grandma and grandpa's he also took his first few step holding onto grandma's hands. Priceless

He's sportin his Dixie State shirt for daddy

Grandma got him this little riding toy and he loved it

So my kids love to drink out of this big mug. I love these pictures. Kanon is drinking water from my mug BUT Maveirck is sadly drinking daddy's Mt.Dew. Its funny how many pics I get of them doing similar things at similar ages