Monday, April 9, 2012

Got a little side tracked

The last few days I got a little off track with the Love Dare. Things started to slip back into the norm and the weekend brought some hurt feelings. I am however pulling my boots back on and getting back on track. So Ill be back on soon.......

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Day 7 of the Love Dare

Day 7  Love believes in the best

[Love] believes all things, hopes all
—1 Corinthians 13:7

Dare: For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper.
On the first one, spend a few minutes
writing out positive things about your
spouse. Then do the same with negative
things on the second sheet. Place both
sheets in a secret place for another day.
There is a different purpose and plan for
each. At some point during the
remainder of the day, pick a positive
attribute from the first list and thank
your spouse for having this characteristic.

It wasn't hard for me to tell Nephi I'm thankful for how hard he works. That is one of his greatest qualities. I was able to slip that into our conversation today, and he followed it with an "um ok, thanks" lol  before this dare I must really have been a wench, he has a hard time figuring out why I'm trying to be so nice lol. He also doesn't except compliments very well.. I'm anxious to see what I'm going to be doing with these list of pos. and neg. things. I will say I had an easier time writing down the neg. which I think is to be expected since I'm doing the Love Dare to make a luke warm relationship better. I however really looked over the list of positive and I really married my dream guy. He is so great and I have failed to see alot of those everyday qualities some women would kill to have in a husband.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Day 6 of the Love Dare

Day 6 Love is not irritable

He who is slow to anger is better than
the mighty, and he who rules his spirit,
than he who captures a city.
—Proverbs 16:32

Dare: Choose today to react to tough
circumstances in your marriage in loving
ways instead of with irritation. Begin by
making a list below of areas where you
need to add margin to your schedule.
Then list any wrong motivations that you
need to release from your life.

This is a hard one for me, I am not patient whatsoever and I am quick to snap. Its not a great quality.  I over react when I think I deserve to go somewhere or do something and he doesn't agree right away. Like for some reason I should be able to do what I want because after being a mom and wife all day I just need a break. However instead of expressing that to him, I throw a minor fit and act as if he "owes" it to me or something.
I would say the top of my list would  be I might need to lay off on the things maybe Nephi isn't the best at doing. Like nagging about everyday things I ask him to do (trash,etc.)  Ask him with a sincere heart for something only once and not nag if he doesn't follow through.  At the top of my list for wrong motivations would be overreacting to hurt rather than to solve. Sometimes I get so caught up in why I'm not happy and what he isn't doing for me that I sort of want to punish him so he hurts as well. I don't like to see him enjoy life or be happy if I'm not. After I just typed that I'm totally taken back that I admitted it out loud. Man I'm a real wack job. I need to let that go from my life. I feel like the steps I am taking in this book so far are helping me however. I found myself today almost being sucked into the same fight we have on almost a weekly basis about my best friend and I and what we do with out horses. Nephi is insecure with my friendship, his first wife put everything and everyone before him and sometimes other relationships bring out that insecurity in him. I have never and would never put anyone before him but its hard for him to see that. Anyway normally he gets all fired up and goes off about things and today I just took a deep breath, thought about how hurtful things get if I go along with it and chose not to say anything. I asked him if we could please not do this and changed the subject, and like magic he cooled off. AMAZING. And after all this time of me blaming him I realise I throw fuel on most of his fires. I need to stop that, I need to be slow to anger and show more love. He is crying out for it

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Day 5 of the Love Dare

Day 5  Love is not rude.

 He who blesses his friend with a loud
voice early in the morning, it will be
reckoned a curse to him.
—Proverbs 27:14

Dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three things
that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you. You
must do so without attacking them or
justifying your behavior. This is from
their perspective only

I'm not going to lie, I was very nervous about this dare. I felt it was a way to invite Satan into this wonderful thing we have going and make us fight. However the total opposite happened. I asked Nephi about three things, he looked at me with a face of surprise and tried not to laugh. He said he needed a bit to think about it. So I asked him again later, his response was swearing. But that he couldn't think of anything else, which is crazy. I know one of those things would have been previous to this dare, that he didn't like the way I spoke to him like a child. However because this is REALLY working he wasn't able to focus on neg. things. Now back to the swearing thing. Nephi didn't grow up with it in his life or home. He has never had a problem and in almost 6 years of marriage I have NEVER heard him swear. That is something I am truly jealous of. I however didn't grow up a member and grew up with it in my house, so its become a really stupid habit. I'm not admitting that I swear alot, because I don't. I go to stupid petty swear words when I'm mad or frustrated, seriously nothing "bad" (so don't defriend me) lol. Nephi just doesn't have ANY tolerance for it whatsoever. So its something I need to work on. I don't like making him uncomfortable and I will admit I have used it as a tool in fighting with him to get his attention. If I don't think he is listening without fail I will swear at him and like clock work he comes back with "did you really have to say that" and then I say, just seeing if you are listening. Is that childish or what?? I cant believe what I'm learning about my self in this process, reading the dares really don't seem like much work but its the little things that are making the big things work. Yay me...

Monday, April 2, 2012

Day 4 of the Love Dare

Day 4 Love is thoughtful

How precious also are Your thoughts to
me. . . .How vast is the sum of them! If I
should count them, they would
outnumber the sand.
—Psalm 139:17–1

Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she is doing
and if there is anything you could do for

I had to skip a day (Sun.) so that I could do this Dare while he wasn't home. Kinda hard to call and check on them when they are home for the weekend ;) Anyway, I just got off the phone with him. I asked him if he needed anything and if there was anything I could do to help make his day good, he seemed confused and just said "um no". It warms my heart to have him be shocked when I am offering myself to him in ways that he needs. He seems happy but almost confused. What this process has been teaching me is how extremely selfish I have been. No wonder all of my prayers about my marriage and what I could do to help came back to this Love Dare. I need to change me. I need to think about my spouse and what his needs are. It has also made me ponder the way I have talked to and treated Nephi since we got married. I speak to him like he is a child. Its not something I am proud of admitting out loud. I think its been my cooping mechanism from my first marriage. But it doesn't make it right. This not saying Neg. things has really opened my eyes, I have stopped and thought about the things I would normally do or say if I weren't doing this dare and I am ashamed of myself. Nephi is my best friend, my husband, the father of my kids. Why would I speak to him the way I have??? No wonder he doesn't want to kiss my forehead, Heck I'm surprised he hasn't wanted to smack it. I'm not having a pity party for myself but rather reflecting on what this marriage and Nephi really mean to me. I'm really thankful I am sticking this thing out..