I must be bored because I just spent the last hour going through and reading alot of my old blog posts and comments. Talk about a crazy ride these past few years have been. I honestly cant believe people even read the crap I write about. LOL...
Life is such a crazy journey, every ones ride is different but as we look around it feels like we are the only ones feeling the things we do. It feels as if our ride is more bumpy, while others look care free. Its easy to look around and see the good things in every one else while we sulk in the cow paties we lay in. I am guilty of doing just this, Life has kicked me right between the eyes over and over. Or has it?? I feel like Im not looking at life with my eyes but only feeling it in my heart. I choose not to see the blessings, I choose not to see my struggles as a way of growing. It seems so much easier to be neg. and compare myself and hardships. However that is trully the opposite of true. It takes way more energy to put off neg. vibes, its draining.
This last month I unfortunatly had to attend one of my dear friends mothers funeral. The day I got a text from his sweet wife that his mother had passed I remember my blood felt cold. Like honestly someone poured ice water through my vains and it hurt my heart. I felt completly out of control, there was nothing I could do to take away that pain and it killed me. His mom had struggled through the last few years of her life. She felt alot of pain physically and emotionally, it was all she could do to get out of bed most days. In the end the pain became to much and she chose to leave this life. She left behind a loving husband, four children and their families. The amount of pain she was in I cannot comprehend, its too much to wrap my mind around. But in the last few weeks I have been able to reflect on alot of things. First of all you NEVER know whats going on in someone elses life. No matter how well you think you know people, you dont know all the details. You have no idea the struggles they have or the shoes they have walked in. It really gave me compassion for people I dont think I had before. In the weeks since her passing I have talked with my friend alot, tried to comfort him in any way I could. However its not something you get over very quickly, it takes time...
Time is good and bad. It gives us the oppurtunity to reflect, to think, to love, to hate to do whatever we choose. I know that after going to that funeral and trying to be there and watch all of the broken pieces in the family try to heal, I see that judging, assuming, and hate are all things that I dont want to be apart of. Life is so precious and you never know what can happen. Its not worth holding onto grudges, or hurt feelings. The day of the funeral I remember my friend in his talk saying "if any of you have harsh feelings toward someone, make it right. Dont wait until its too late." It was like he was talking right to me, I wasnt talking to my lil sister at the time over something way dumb. I relized that life is too short to let little things rob you of relastionships. I hope to try and be a better person, to hold my tounge and try not to watch others on the ride. My ride is different, even though the master of it is the same he knows what I can and cant handle. So I guess what Im trying to say is GET IN SHUT UP AND ENJOY THE RIDE! Look for the good in others, even if you have to look at them for a good while there is always something. Focus on the good in your own life as well and remember HE never said it would be easy, he said it would be WORTH it!
