A perfect brightness of hope

The last few days I have been feeling down. I cant decide if its hormones or me really actually feeling whats going on in my head. Making the choice to become a latter day saint was one of the single most challenging things I have ever done. Not because I didn't feel it was right but because it was something different than what I grew up and different from my family. Making the call to tell my parents that I was joining was also difficult. I wanted them to know they were invited and wanted them to feel apart of it but knew it would hurt them deeply, especially my mom. However I prayed to my father in heaven for them to try and understand, and they really tried, enough that they came to my baptism. Well here it is 4 years later and things have been for a lack of better words, different. I feel different from my family, I feel distant and not part. That is truly a hard thing for me. I know that they don't want me to feel that way but I do. In a sense I am different and I do believe differently than they do, but I love them unconditionally. I feel like the ugly duckling, or the black sheep. My family really has been great at not bringing up religion and not making me uncomfortable but I know that they talk about me. I know that my mom's way of dealing with it is by talking about it to the people in here church and to my siblings. That hurts, I know she doesn't mean for it to but it does. They all really feel that I'm confused and that I dont believe in the church. And I'm soooo not confused, I have more clarity in my life now than I ever have. Anyone that knew me before I joined the church knows how different I am now and how much happiness I have in my life because of it. I just wish my family could see that. This is one of the scriptures that I reflect upon when I'm having trials like this one.
"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life" (2 Nephi 31:18–20).
As I sit here with tears in my eyes reflecting upon those words again I know them to be true. I must press forward and put my shoulder to the wheel and know that in the end this will all be worth it. I have a wonderful family that love me very much and struggle to understand me, but I also have a church family that love me also. I have eternal family with my husband,son and unborn child that help me to keep my prospective. I think I just needed to write this out and look back over it to realize the many blessings I DO have in my life and to remember to pray for understanding in my family. For those of you who actually took the time to read this whole post, Thank you. I'm grateful for my life and the way my savior saved me from the path I was headed before my baptism. I know the Church is true, I know that being sealed to my family is one of my biggest blessings. I love them very much. And I'm thankful for the gospel and the real clarity it brings into my life.

Bath fun

With a mom who is crazy about her camera, you cant even take a bath without her bugging you for pictures. Tonight I couldn't resist taking some pics of Maverick while he was playing. I love his eyes, I always have and always will. They are amazing!



I was playing with my editing program and turned this one into an oil painting. I think it looks cool.

Just thought I would share the cutest boy in the world with you today. And girls beware these eyes will someday steal the hearts of many women! And that is one thing Im not happy about. I already feel there is NO girl good enough for my son. lol

A little fishin

Yesterday was a beautiful day and the perfect chance to take Maverick fishing with his new poll the Easter bunny brought.

This is Maverick's excited thing he does, he shakes and makes his mouth look like a bird beak. Its sooooooo cute. He loved watching daddy cast his poll

This was something Nephi has waited his whole life to do, fish with his son. He loved it

"Look at me cast daddy"



No Maverick didn't catch this fish, I did. And of course no one got my picture because I'm the only one that takes pictures. And yes it was very hard for me to let him touch it, don't even worry I WASHED his hands! But I'm happy to say I'm the only one that caught a fish!

It was a great day spent as a family. Nephi thought Maverick was a little hard, but I just kept reminding him that he is a 2 year old. Enough said.

Easter 2009

We had a wonderful time this morning watching Maverick light up to see what the Easter bunny had brought him. This is first thing this morning walking into find his treasures.......



The Easter Bunny brought a new CARS fishing poll so He can fish with Daddy

A mouth full of jelly beans saying "Cheese" could not look any cuter

Tyson's Easter present

My Easter basket

Nephi's Easter basket

And bubba's Easter basket

Its so fun to watch this little family grow and start our own traditions. I also would like to take the time to thank my father in heaven for giving the ultimate gift, his son. I cant help but feel the love of my heavenly father and know that he is here. So many people loose sight of the true meaning of Easter. Having Maverick has let me feel a love I never knew I had in me, I couldn't imagine sacrificing my first and only son. I'm eternally grateful for the gospel and the comfort and strength it gives me. I'm thankful to know that I will be with my family forever. I'm very proud to be a latter day saint in these trying times. I hope that all of you have felt the spirit as I have today and continue to focus on the true meaning of Easter. My heart is overwhelmed

Finally pics of the house

So the best way I would describe my house is, RETRO. It was built in the 70's and I just think it has a lot of character. The yard is a work in progress. We just put some new seed down and covered it in cow poop. So the outside smells lovely. I love the homey feeling it has inside. I only posted a few pics because there is so much more I want to do to decorate it and it just looks plain right now. It has a front room, which I posted a pic of and a HUGE family room. The family room used to be a garage. It was converted to the family room, I didn't post a pic because its huge and boring, nothing on the walls yet. I also didn't post pics of the bathroom, because who really wants to see those. Which we have two of. And I haven't posted Maverick's room yet because lets just say its a work in progress too. We are trying to put him in a big boy bed and when we do I will decorate his room different than it is now. The babies room just has some storage in it right now, boy am I rambling.
Anyway we love love love being here. Last night marked the 5th bar-b-que we have had on our back patio and its not even the middle of April. The weather has been great and We have loved entertaining our friends and feeding them good food. I feel so blessed to finally be in a home. After what I went through in my first marriage and what Nephi did in his, we NEVER thought we would have a house this soon, if ever.



Of course Tyson has to be in the pic, and Maverick is the the doorway of the other living room

The kitchen is on the small side but I dont need more room. There is a pantry you cant see and it holds alot of stuff


Our sweet patio that is so much fun to sit on and watch my son play with the dog

And our big fenced in back yard, of course there is Tyson again. lol