Does it hurt when I press here?!

I just need a moment to feel sorry for myself. So Im sorry ahead of time if you thought you were about to read something uplifting or interesting.
I feel like I have been through alot in the past ten years. I was married to a heroin addict for almost five years. I survived day to day moment by moment. I drained my friends by being so needy and always having some kind of drama going on with me. I felt so lost and helpless. However during that time joined the LDS church, against my families wishes and finally felt a glimmer of hope. I ended that marriage and quickly met and married Nephi. We started our family fast and life hasnt stopped since. Nephi has lost his job twice, twice I said since we have been married. It seems as if we are never going to catch a break. Dont get me wrong, I dont look back at my life and not see the blessings, believe me I do. I just feel like we are always being hit down right when we are about to climb out. I was reminded today about how scary things are when I went to WIC. Not even one hour after the doors had opened they were full for the day and couldnt help anyone. And I was one of the ones they couldnt help. And it sucks of course my checks just ran out last month. UGH!!! And also the government is running our of unemployment so having Nephi still on it, which he has been for the last SIX months is really up in the air. Now anyone who is married can understand, I love my husband, I really do. I just dont want to be around him 24/7! I need him to get a job, oh wait he cant! In case you didnt hear, he tore his ACL while trying to be an NBA star in church ball and now has to have surgery. Do you see what Im saying, Im dieing here!
So why is it you ask Im going on and on like this. Well today I was reminded again about how crapy of a friend and person I have become while wallowing in my own crap. I forgot about a hair appointment and scheduled something else at the same time. My friend does my hair and is always very good about getting me in. However I back out over and over, One time I have money to do my hair and another I dont. Its just not who I am, Im tried of who I have become. Im sorry to all of my friends for draining you and not having alot of good things going on to share. However to all of you that I have wasted your time, I am truly thankful for you all. Without you I dont know where I would be. Im making a promise that from this day on I am giving my best effort to be more positive. To not share everything thats going and have everyone feel sorry for me. The only one that can be sorry is me. This post wasnt really for anything accept for me to get it all out of my head. Im sorry if anyone actually read this!
Until next time I will now be going and listening to my son sing "talk dirty to me" by poison so I can smile and remember that life really isnt that bad.